I’m a worrywart:
I worry about everything, and everyone, pretty much constantly. Usually, it doesn’t really interfere with my life, but sometimes things get a little out of control.
For the past few nights, my worrying has gotten out of control. I know that I sometimes have anxiety issues, and right now I’m trying to get things under control, because at the moment I have a huge knot in the pit of my stomach that won’t go away.
I’m not sure what triggers these bouts of extreme worry and anxiety, but I can tell you that it isn’t fun for anyone. Especially me. I’m constantly on the verge of tears and I’m very, very hard on myself. After not sleeping very well on Wednesday night, I was exhausted last night and I was sure I would fall right asleep. Not so much. Every time I drifted off, my anxiety woke me up and I started panicking. Thinking about things I need to get done, about bad things that could possibly happen, and worst of all: things that I’ve done poorly in the past. I know in my rational mind that focusing on these things isn’t helpful, but I somehow can’t stop it.
The reason I’m writing about this isn’t to get sympathy, but I need an outlet. If I try to discuss these issues with my loved ones, I end up feeling like I’m bothering them (I’m not, I know, but I still feel that way), or realizing how ridiculous I sound. Here I feel like I can let go because if you don’t want to read this, you don’t have to.
So, how can I handle these issues?
Well, I’m not sure, but I’m going to try reminding myself that my rational mind is the one that’s right, and my irrational mind is wrong.
As an effort to make myself happier, here are some things that make me happy.
Holy cow it’s a beautiful day today. I went outside this morning to take out the trash and it was already in the 50′s! Before 8 AM! In January! Zach didn’t wear a coat at all to work, and I just wore a light one. I took the above picture from my office at work (yes, I’m grateful to have those huge windows right outside my office door), the sky was just lovely. I guess there is some rain in the forecast, but I’m happy enough about the warm weather that I don’t really care.
Friends! This photo was taken at my friend Mandee’s birthday dinner on Wednesday. I had a great time, but I’m anxious to spend more time with these folks this weekend. I’m already texting people seeing what their plans are tonight. I think some hangouts with friends would really take my mind off of some things.
Running. Since I’ve started running again without pain, I’ve been anxious to do more running. This unseasonably warm weather is making me anxious to get out there and pound the pavement! I think I might take Courtney’s doberman Margot on her first run tomorrow morning. That should be fun!
Pizza! I don’t know if I’ll be eating any pizza this weekend, but this pizza I had on Wednesday sure was delicious.
See? I’m feeling better already