I’m going to start blogging here again. Here’s what’s up:
I have fallen off the fitness/health wagon hard. I can’t even really tell you where it started, because I’m pretty sure I’d have to go back 2 years or more. It’s been a slow progression of adding more and more bad habits and subtracting more and more good habits. I’m not back to my highest weight…..yet, but I know I’ll keep heading in that direction if I don’t act now.
Back in November (so nearly a year ago) I tried to take some steps to start getting back on track. I re-enrolled in a program with my health insurance that aims for weight loss. Basically you get a gym membership for just a copay, and you get some personal workout sessions, and somebody reviews your food logs.
The problem with this program is that I get frustrated when I turn in my food logs. The person who makes notes on our food logs isn’t somebody I ever speak to, so I can’t talk to her about her notes. Furthermore, her notes are frustrating. Once I logged a Chickpea Salad and she said to be careful about chicken salad because of the mayonnaise…what??
Regardless, it’s nice to have a gym membership for cheaper than I’d usually pay, and I know that the motivation and willpower to lose the weight I’ve gained comes only from me, so I can’t really let that discourage me. If the pounds were coming off, maybe she wouldn’t be as critical of my logs, but it’s not coming off. In fact, after 3 weeks off of weighing in (gym shut down week, followed by vacation week, followed by me being scared to step on the scale week), I’ve actually gained 5 pounds since my last weigh in.
I spent the whole workout class yesterday feeling terrible about myself. I was doing the workout, but I was just thinking over and over again about the habits that lead me to feeling this way. It’s so hard because you constantly hear how people are saying to “Throw out your scale!” and “Just eat mindfully and exercise!” and I DO believe that your weight doesn’t tell the whole picture, but I know there is something wrong when I feel like I’m trying (sort of) and the scale just keeps creeping up. Why is it that it’s so hard to see the weight gain until you’re so far from your goal?
Anyway, I just feel like this is a very low point for me, but I also feel like it’s a high point – in motivation. I started counting Weight Watchers points again yesterday, and by the end of the day I didn’t have much leftover in points. I know that I have an indulgent Saturday ahead of me (my town’s annual beer festival is on Saturday), and I want to save my weekly points for that, so even though I made a pot of yummy homemade macaroni and cheese, I skipped that (except for a small taste) and loaded my plate with veggies and fruit along with my grilled chicken. I had a couple points for a snack, and I chose between popcorn OR a beer, and I stuck with that choice.
That’s only one day, I realize, but as they say “One Day at a Time” right? So wish me luck! I’m making a goal to try to blog here at least once a week. I don’t think I’m brave enough to put my weight on here, but I’ll blog after my weigh ins to be kept accountable for my progress.